Buying Beauty

Having not yet been poisoned by the media’s concept of “beautiful,” I celebrated my 13^th birthday with my family at a local restaurant, Daryl’s Downtown, sporting a No Fear shirt and a baseball cap. Devoid of coordination and normal reflexes, I dressed like a tomboy but was not equipped to practice the proper pastimes. Yes, I was that slightly masculine, chubby girl on the brink of puberty who couldn’t even make the 8^th grade basketball team.

“Wow, 4 boys?! What are the chances of that?” the waitress exclaimed after looking at my 3 brothers and me.

“I’m a girl!” I screamed, eyes swelling with tears.

Silence.

“And it’s my birthday!” Birthdays have never gone smoothly for me. This year might have been the worst... more on that another day.

After mumbling an apology, the waitress shot me a pitied look and scurried away.

I am obsessed with makeup and hair. Obsessed. Rather than streamline my primping process over the years, I’ve managed to tact on a good 1 ½, 2 hours. Maybe I’m so scared of being mistaken for a boy that I’d rather look like a drag queen? Whatever the case, I thought I would share some of my best finds, which can be purchased at the Pretty Wicked Beauty Store.

My Favorite Beauty Products

Highlights

1. Urban Decay Eye shadow Primer – Your mascara will never rub off and leave that disgusting residue on your eyelids again. Perfect for sleepovers until you trick him into becoming your exclusive boyfriend and no longer need to look hot 24/7.

2. Smashbox Photo Finish Foundation Primer – Spackle for your face. It really does keep your foundation in place through the heat, sweat, make out sessions, etc... It's expensive, but lasts forever. Every woman who wears foundation should consider this a staple.
   

3. MAC eyebrow pencil – I over tweezed my eyebrows when I was in high school and have never been able to grow them in normally since. This is the BEST pencil I’ve found. The color “Linger” is universally flattering. If you're blonde your eyebrows should be 2 shades darker than your hair; if you're brunette, your eyebrows should be 2 shades lighter than your hair.
   

4. Burberry Touch for Men – instantly increases his hot factor by 2 points (out of 10)!

5. Teasing comb – Flat hair looks white trash. Pump up the volume with a teasing comb. If I’m not wearing extensions my hair is teased to the max. However, I have a big bobble head, so I need large hair to be proportionate.

6. Big Sexy Hair/What a Tease Backcomb In A Bottle – produces the same results of a teasing comb, but without the damage.

Hair Extensions

If you’re interested in hair extensions, contact me. I could have purchased a brand new car CASH with the money I’ve spent over the years on hair extensions. I’ve had every kind – Great Lengths, Fusion, Clip-in, Wefts, So-Cap – attached to my fine, sad excuse for a mane. Lately I’ve been teasing my real hair. Once in a while I’ll use clip-ins. My hair is too fine to sport the weight of permanent extensions. I looked like a cancer patient when I had my Great Lengths removed.