Stoning by Quarters

I don’t have time to write the complete story – but I HAD to share my wakeup call because it was so bizarre.

According to Forbes, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in America. A benefit of living among the rich is that they throw quarters at you instead of rocks. Last night my neighbor chucked a rainbow of quarters at me and my dog, Butters, while the two of us were on our late-afternoon walk.

“That’s for your two sense!” he slurred, waving a fist in the air.

After getting over the initial shock of being pelted with the quarters, I assumed I was simply a part of some weird European Independence ceremony… I mean, the 4^th of July is fast approaching and Brian, my neighbor is European. Accordingly, Butters wagged his entire ass and I started picking up the quarters.

“Thanks! Happy Independence Day!” I shouted, waving my fist in the air as well.

“What the fuckkkk?? It’s all your fault!” he pointed at Butters.

"Huh?"

"You two!!! Fuck you both!!!!"

I pocketed the change and tugged Butters along, who was still wagging his tail and willing to give psycho German drunk neighbor man a chance to throw some double cheeseburgers at us.

“It’s your fault! AND whoever asked YOU for your two sense, bitch?!” he slurred after us.

Frightened that he had really tried to stone me to death with quarters, I called the police.

The police wanted to know when the last time I spoke with him was and how the encounter went.

“Well, he used to spy on my boyfriend for me. He would let me know when girls stopped by at 4 AM… he often allowed these girls to spend the night at his house. The last time this happened was maybe 3 months ago… that was the last time we talked.”

The police drove over, reprimanded my inebriated neighbor and told him to remain in his house. Apparently he did not listen.

I went to bed hugging a baseball bat and piggy bank.... and woke up to:

(I posted a photo of him on a stretcher, being lifted into an ambulance... but didn't want everyone to be able to track down my address)